“Back when we were a kids, the hours spent with friends were too numerous to count. There were marathon telephone conversations, all-night studying and giggling sessions. Even after boyfriends entered the picture, our best friends remained irreplaceable. And time was the means by which we nurtured those friendships. Now as adult women we never seem to have enough time for anything. Husband, kids, careers and avocations-all require attention, too often, making time for our friends comes last on the list of priorities. And yet, ironically, we need our friends as much as ever in adulthood. A friendship network is absolutely crucial for our well-being as adults. We have to do the hard word of building and sustaining the network. Here are some important ways for accomplishing this.
Let go of yours less central friendship: Many of our friendship were never meant to last a lifetime. It’s a natural that some friendships have time limits. Furthermore, now everyone has a busy social calendar, so pull back from some people that you don’t really want to draw close to and give the most promising friendship a fair chance to grow.
Be willing” drop everything” when you’re truly needed. You may get a call from a friend who is really depressed over a certain problem when you are just sitting down to enjoy a romantic dinner with ur husband. This is just one of those instances when a friend’s needs mattered more. Sometimes, because of our unbreakable commitments or other circumstances, we simply can’t give moment, say something like, “ I wish I could be with u- I can hear that u are in pain. May I call u tomorrow” Be sure ur friend knows she is cared about.
Take advance of the mails. Nearly all of us have pals living far away- friends we miss very much. Given the limited time available for visits and the high price of phone calls, writing is a fine way to keep in touch-and make both sender and receiver feel good. Besides, letters, cards and postcard have the virtue of being tangible-friends keep them and reread for years to come.
Risk expressing negative feelings: When time together is tough to come by, it’s natural to want the mood during that time to be upbeat. And many people fear that others will think less of you if you express the negative feelings like anger and hurt. Remember honesty is the key to keeping a friendship deal. Sharing ur pain will actually deepen friendship.
Don’t make ur friends’ problems ur own. Sharing ur friend’s gift in way u show deep friendship. But taking on ur friend’s pain doesn’t make that pain go away. There’s a big difference between empathy or recognizing a friend’s pain, and over identification, which makes the sufferer feel even weaker. Remember troubled people just need their friends to stay grounded in their own feelings.
Never underestimate the value of loyalty. Loyalty has always been rated as one of the most descried qualities in friends. True loyalty can be a fairly subtle thing. Some people feel it means that, no matter what, your friend will always take ur side. But real loyalty is being accepting the person, not necessarily of certain actions ur friend might take.
Give the gift of time as often as time allows. Time is what we don’t have nearly enough of-and yet, armed with a little ingenuity, we can make it to give it to our friends. The trick is remember that a little is better than none and that u can do two things at once. For instance, if you both go for a weekly aerobic, go on the same day. If u both want to go on vacation, schedule the same destination”
When I got up this morning, suddendly I miss my friends too much without any reason. Time is flying but I want it to be faster and faster. I will go back to my country soon this winter vacation. Hope we have a good time together. I know sometime, because I was busy studying or doing something else, I did not care too much about my friends’ feeling. Distance could not reduce love from my heart, time could not erase friendship. That’s I want to say to my friends ^^ . “To be a better friend” is my most favorite one among what I read in the book named “The Best beautiful English”.
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